So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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