Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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