Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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