Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
