i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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