Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
