Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
