i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
