I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
