The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
