Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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