jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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