Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
