He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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