Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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