Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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