I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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