Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
