Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
