you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
