she was so not down for the gang bang
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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