3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
