Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
