i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
