if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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