Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
