Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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