Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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