if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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