hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
