So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
