Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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