I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
