I want to walk on stilts...naked
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
