I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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