We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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