Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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