mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
birth control should be required to get into college
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
