I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.