She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"