you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He better not be in your backpack
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.