My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle