I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.