I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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