doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
