you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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