it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
