I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
