All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
