everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's always time for handjobs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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