I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
