allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Girls should come with a carfax report
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
