i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
