Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
