New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
