i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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