I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
