I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
