If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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