Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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