remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
