Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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