Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
