My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
