I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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