i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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