I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
