thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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