Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
