It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?