I hate your face
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
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Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE