some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just blew my weed a kiss
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?