i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.