You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.