I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.