WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
